The city of Omaha is constantly growing, changing and evolving. The future is likely to be quite different from present day. What will Omaha look like, in, say, the year 2100? See below for my bold predictions.
In the year 2100 Omaha becomes the 14th largest city in the nation due to unrelenting annexation which includes the recent additions of Valentine, NE. and Louisville, KY.
Omaha’s incumbent mayor Taylor Royal Jr. loses in his bid for a new term when he’s defeated by Hal Daub V.
After voting themselves a record 41 pay increases in the past century Douglas County Board commissioners revel in their mention in the Forbes magazine article “Heartland Billionaires.”
In 2100 an incumbent loses a local election for the first time in memory.
The same advertising agencies that came up with “We Don’t Coast” and “Nebraska: Honestly it’s not for everyone” eighty some years earlier are paid millions of dollars to jointly develop a new city slogan. The result: “Omaha: This town come here to visit. Please?”
The Omaha City Council passes the first “posthumous restaurant tax” in the world. Details are sketchy about how it will be implemented although preliminary plans call for a city official to loot the home of every deceased citizen who’s recently dined in Omaha during his or her funeral.
Douglas County Assessor Diane Battiato, age 130-plus, celebrates being the longest serving office holder in the U.S. by successfully raising property taxes for the 58th time. When asked why she raised property taxes 58 times Battiato responds, “Why the hell not? Ain’t it a good idea?”
The Nebraska Legislature finally imposes a 5 percent “We Hate You” tax on Omahans.
In 2080 officials set a new goal to get a streetcar up and running “before pigs fly.” The city falls short when in early 2100 due to genetic engineering several pigs gain aerodynamic capability and there’s still no streetcar in sight.
Omaha becomes a tourist attraction known as “Home of the World’s Largest Pothole” which stretches for 5.7 miles and reaches a depth of 896 feet. Guided tours are offered and visitors have an opportunity to purchase giant pothole snow globes, T-shirts and swizzle sticks. Because this is Omaha there are four Scooters coffee shops at the bottom of the pothole.
Instead of automobiles most residents traverse the city on rented electric scooters. After being introduced in 2019 the electric scooter program revolutionizes transportation - ha-ha, just kidding!
The city finally decides what to do with the site where the Civic Auditorium once stood. Citizens are upset after learning that one of the bizarre statues over the Council Bluffs overpass that were toppled during the great “You call that ugly shit art?” riots of 2065 will be coming to Omaha.
The newly formed West Omaha Board meets regularly inside the Avocado Toast Arena to plot the forthcoming secession and/or violent coup.
Marauding, super-competitive West Omaha mothers roam the area in their mammoth SUVs, sometimes firebombing a neighbor’s home simply because the drapery is better than hers.
Benson is still recovering from the tragic floods of 2097 when over 3,000 people drowned after the Beer Dam and several beer levies burst and a 60-foot wall of brew engulfed the region.
Omaha elected officials remain consistent in their disdain for preserving historic buildings and go ahead with plans to raze the historic Orpheum Theater and the Durham Museum to create two new empty lots. Omaha is now known as “the empty lot capital of North America.”
Plans are approved for Scott Frost Middle School in Elkhorn. It will become the third school in the Metro area named for Frost who was the winningest coach in college football history.
UNO has a record enrollment of 98,000. To accommodate all the students the university adds a 10th parking spot.
Creighton University becomes embroiled in controversy after making owning a BMW a prerequisite for admission.
The city continues to recover from its Great Depression which began in 2020 and was blamed on Mayor Jean Stothert’s policies.
The 2100 Berkshire Hathaway shareholders meeting is led by a 168-year-old Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger, 177.
Despite incredible advances in the world including the advent of flying and self-driving vehicles, artificial intelligence and the recent colonization of Mars, Omaha is still unable to figure out how to get yard waste and garbage picked up at the same time.
Omaha is on its 65th garbage collection company and planning to switch to a 66th in early 2101.
The trend toward weird naming rights reaches its nadir when the 18,000-seat arena that plays host to Creighton basketball games is dubbed the Imodium Center. It sits directly across from the stadium where the College World Series is contested - Thor Tripp Park, honoring the late KETV sportscaster whose genius, much like that of Da Vinci and Aristotle, went unrecognized during his lifetime.
The impact of global warming hits home when WalletHub names Omaha one of the “Top Ten Tropical Destinations To Visit This Winter.”
The Omaha City Council approves a mandatory death penalty for anybody caught with a plastic bag.
A new law is passed expanding the city’s traditional Fourth of July fireworks period from May 15 to Nov. 3. This is consistent with the Omaha city logo - a hand with four fingers with the fifth a mere stump after having been blown off by a cherry bomb.
INDEPENDENT MUSIC SCENE
The independent music scene has never been more vibrant as Omaha is home to a number of hot indie bands including The Urinals, Dead Monkey Head, WTF, Puke On Your Mom’s Grave, Cab Soot, Loose Stools and Lint. The latter group gains a measure of fame when it records an eight-song LP using but one instrument - an autoharp.
The Omaha World-Herald publishes a twice weekly online edition with its three remaining employees. After prices were raised monthly for the past 85 years an annual subscription now costs $3.6 million. The editor’s obsession with obscure awards continues and, in fact, the paper begins its own contest for “Best Newspaper Whose Headquarters Are Located Between 10th and Douglas Streets and 20th and Douglas Streets.” The World-Herald finishes second.
In 2100 there have been zero changes, nada updates and there is absolutely no new progress whatsoever regarding the Crossroads renovations.