Nebraska has a new state tourism slogan to replace “Visit Nebraska. Nebraska Nice.” The new, less-than-inspiring-to-me slogan: “Nebraska: Honestly, it’s not for everyone.”

The new slogan is the work of Denver-based firm Vladimir Jones, which is being paid $28.6 million over two years to market the state.

It’s all in self-deprecating fun, apparently, although not everybody thinking of visiting the state will realize the ad agency’s tongue is placed firmly inside cheek.

Here’s a sample: “Lucky for you, there’s nothing to do here,” is the headline on one print advertisement that displays a smiling band of party-goers floating down a Sand Hill stream in livestock tanks in the Nebraska-invented sport of “tanking.”

I’ve lived here much of my life and I’d never heard of “tanking” until now.

But the linchpin of the campaign is “Nebraska: Honestly, it’s not for everyone.” This got me to thinking about other slogans this Colorado company may have gone with instead. Consider the below:

* “Nebraska: Meh.”

* “Nebraska: Who Doesn’t Want To Freeze Their Ass Off?”

* “Nebraska: Come for the taxes, stay for the mosquitos.”

* “Nebraska: Where else can you participate in a mass mooning of Iowa?”

* “Nebraska:       ”

* “Nebraska: Who needs Disney World when you got Carhenge?”

* “Nebraska: Visit during winter to establish the insanity defense for your upcoming trial.”

* “Nebraska: That Keystone XL Pipeline could burst any day now!”

* “Nebraska: Our state legislature screws up more stuff before breakfast than most assemblies do in a year.”

* “Nebraska: It’s that thing you’re soaking in.” (After more floods).

* “Nebraska: Where you can still go to jail for smoking a joint.”

* “Nebraska: The bank robbery capital of the Plains!”

* “Nebraska: Honestly, can you believe we got $28.6 million for this shit?”

* “Nebraska: If you don’t like the weather wait a few minutes and it’ll suck even more.”

* “Nebraska: The “Day Vaping” capital of North America.” 

* “Nebraska: Where everyone who doesn’t live in Omaha hates that place.”

* “Nebraska: Honestly, it’s not for everyone, but if you love bugs the size of Nissan Sentras...”

* “Nebraska: Beef, chew, deer stands and football is what we know.”

* “Nebraska: If you enjoy 20 minutes of weather during your 10 p.m. newscast.”

* “Nebraska: Ever been bitten by a mosquito inside each nostril and your butthole?”

* “Nebraska: Basking in a contact high from Colorado.”

* “Nebraska: Well...”

* “Nebraska: Huh?”

* “Nebraska: Wait, what?”

* “Nebraska: It’s somewhere near Ohio, right?”

* “Nebraska: A great place to visit if you're a sandhill crane or a zebra mussel.”

* “Nebraska: Where your property taxes cost more than your house.”

* “Nebraska: Hit that dive bar!”

* “Nebraska: Yawn.”

* “Nebraska: Like Iowa only with books.”

* “Nebraska: Only a short drive from the Colorado marijuana dispensaries.”

* “Nebraska: Honestly, it’s not for you but we just made $28.6 million.”

* “Nebraska: Take a luxury cruise on one of our airboats.”

* “Nebraska: I’ll bet you’ve never seen a bald governor before.”

* “Nebraska: Just try and count all the truck stops.”

* “Nebraska: There’s nothing better than whiling away an afternoon watching old tires float down the Platte River.”

* “Bacon!”

* “Nebraska: Life is short so keep posting photos of food.”

* “Nebraska: Where an incumbent politician could blow up the state capitol building the night before the election & still get reelected.”

* “Nebraska: Whiteclay knows how to party.”

* “Nebraska: Home of the $20 million Interstate pot bust.”

* “Nebraska: Like Kansas only with more than 8 bucks in the bank.”

* “Nebraska: Land of 10,000 Scooters.”

* “Got beer?”

* “Nebraska: HELL YEAH!”

* “Nebraska: Check out Lake McConaughy to see people wearing swimsuits with cowboy boots.”

* “Nebraska: Don’t forget your pocketknife.”

* “Nebraska: Home of Conor Oberst, a really famous musician even though nobody can name a single Conor Oberst song.”

* “Nebraska: So conservative it’s tilting toward Barry Goldwater in the 2020 election.”

* “Nebraska: Similar to Wyoming, only with people instead of tumbleweeds.”

* “Nebraska: Honestly, it’s probably not your thing.”

* “Nebraska: Hide your eyes, there’s more Council Bluffs overpass art ahead.”

* “Nebraska: Where there’s only one health insurance provider but 489 Husker Hounds.” 

* “ Nebraska: Where it takes longer to repair a street lane than it did to chisel Mount Rushmore.”

* “Nebraska: Throwing away taxpayer money on out-of-state consultants since 1967.”

* “Nebraska: Only two butter cows in the entire state!” 

* “Nebraska: Where the priorities are God, country and Runzas only not in that order.”