The electronic and print media around here clearly loves Scott Frost. Never before in history has a coach with a career head coaching record at Nebraska of 4-8 been so revered. However, I don’t think our sportswriters and broadcasters go far enough in their adulation. You can’t just compare Frost to past and current coaching legends. The man transcends mere sport. Now that his second season at the helm of the Husker football team is nigh the time is right to take a few minutes to gauge the brilliance of this shining star. I think the best way to do that is a head-to-head match up featuring Frost vs. renowned historical figures.
Scott Frost vs. Christopher Columbus
Columbus: Christopher Colombus arguably discovered the New World. In actuality when sailing here from Spain he veered off course and landed in what is now the Bahamas, thinking he was in the New World. There are many schools, towns and cities across the U.S. named for Columbus and he has his own national holiday.
Frost: Scott Frost traveled from Nebraska to Stanford back to Nebraska to New York to Cleveland to Green Bay to Tampa to Oregon to Orlando and back to Lincoln, Nebraska WITHOUT VEERING OFF COURSE ONCE. Soon, he will have his own national holiday.
Scott Frost vs. Abraham Lincoln
Lincoln: Abe Lincoln is widely hailed as one of the greatest presidents in American history. He reportedly once walked about 15 miles to return a book he borrowed and was known as Honest Abe. His face adorns the penny and the five-dollar bill.
Frost: It’s a gross oversight that Scott Frost’s visage does not yet appear on a single U.S. coin or piece of currency! Frost hiked the Grand Canyon in the summer of 2018 in stifling temperatures which is much more difficult than walking a few miles to return some stupid book. Frost is known as Honest Scott and will go down in history as the greatest coach in collegiate football history.
Scott Frost vs. Benjamin Franklin
Franklin: Ben Franklin made a lot of discoveries and invented quite a bit of stuff - the stove, bifocals, the lightning rod, the odometer, the Boogie Board, crotchless panties - some of which is obsolete today. One thing he discovered that’s not obsolete is electricity. We all know the story ad nauseam about Franklin flying a kite that was struck by lightning.
Frost: Scott discovered something more important to humankind than electricity - Adrian Martinez. Nothing Frost has done has been rendered obsolete with the exception of signing Greg Bell. Hundreds of years from now when Franklin is a mere footnote in history people will still be talking about Frost and the way he inspired young men to achieve greatness. Frost’s accomplishments will make Franklin’s discoveries seem like mere tripe.
Scott Frost vs. Neil Armstrong
Armstrong: Neil Armstrong was the first human to walk on the moon. He’s known for uttering the famous phrase, “That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.”
Frost: Frost is revered for being the first football coach to step into Adrian Martinez’ living room on a recruiting trip. Before doing so he also uttered, “That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.” The difference being that unlike the moon walk Frost’s recruiting trip was not staged in the remote Utah desert. (Or was that desolate nothingness downtown Wichita?) It’s worth mentioning that Armstrong left his comrade Michael Collins inside the Apollo 11 space capsule. Team player that he is Frost would’ve summoned Collins onto the moon’s surface so they all could’ve celebrated and danced around together. What Armstrong didn’t realize and Frost does is that there’s no “i” in “team.”
Scott Frost vs. Gerald Ford
Ford: Ford was the Omaha-born 38th president of the United States who had to follow the disgraced Richard Nixon and try to restore confidence in the presidency. Ford helped the nation heal post-Watergate.
Frost: Scott had to succeed the disgraced Mike Riley and try to restore confidence in the Husker program, which was 100 times more challenging than following Nixon. (After all, Nixon didn’t celebrate victories by leading grown men in a chant of “Hip hip hooray!”) Frost has helped Husker Nation heal.
Scott Frost vs. Leonardo da Vinci
da Vinci: Painted the Mona Lisa which is widely proclaimed as a masterpiece.
Frost: Presided over the new Tunnel Walk, a greater masterpiece.
Scott Frost vs. Albert Einstein
Einstein: Einstein is considered the second smartest genius of all time.
Frost: Frost’s IQ was estimated to be three points higher than Einstein’s by a Lincoln Journal Star sports writer in his column called “I LOVE YOU, SCOTT!” At the end of the column the Journal Star sports writer, a heterosexual, proposed marriage to Frost.
Scott Frost vs. Jonas Salk
Salk: Dr. Salk discovered the Polio vaccine, which saved many lives.
Frost: Frost came up with the idea of having the Huskers practice in the mornings which I credit for the team’s success in all those 11 a.m. games last season.
Scott Frost vs. Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa: Mother Teresa was a nun and missionary who was anointed sainthood for her work with lepers and the impoverished in India, which frankly doesn’t impress me all that much.
Frost: Sainthood is currently pending, it’s just a matter of Scott finding enough time in his hectic schedule to receive it. I’m thinking the Huskers bye week beginning Oct. 19 would be perfect.
Scott Frost vs. Jesus
Jesus: Jesus was a humble carpenter and taught the world many, many things before making the ultimate sacrifice.
Frost: Frost is the son of Larry and Carol Frost of Wood River and achieved what he has sans nepotism. He’s also taught the world many, many things.
Scott Frost vs. George Washington
Washington: Washington is regaled as the Father of our Country. He was our first president and helped draft the U.S. Constitution. Many legends surround him including one claiming he never told a lie and that he chopped down a cherry tree. His teeth were made of wood.
Frost: Frost is regaled as the Father of the Resurgence in Husker Football and in 2018 led his team to the greatest 4-8 season ever. He would not chop down a tree unless it was blocking the view of a fan in Memorial Stadium! Frost has never told a lie except for the times he called Bethune-Cookman a worthy opponent and said something remotely nice about Bill Callahan. His testicles are made of steel.
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Brad Dickson is a former writer for "The Tonight Show," a humor columnist for the Omaha World-Herald newspaper, a best-selling author of two books and a professional speaker. You can find Brad on Twitter at @brad_dickson.
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